Avoiding Caregiver Guilt
Avoid caregiver guilt and fatigue to allow for better care and quality of life for the whole family. It can be daunting. Taking care of loved ones is tough stuff, and among the most important roles in life.
“Mom is due at the doctor at 10:30, and my boss just called a staff meeting.” When you’re providing care for an elderly loved one, it’s not uncommon to feel torn between work, your loved one’s needs, and your other responsibilities.
According to the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a), nearly 66 million Americans provide care to a loved one. The value of this caregiving has reached $522 billion per year. And yet, in spite of all they do for the people they care about, many caregivers often feel guilty that they’re not doing enough. As many of these caregivers are relatively young (the average age for a caregiver is 48, according the n4a), they may also feel guilty about spending too much time with their loved one at the expense of spending time at work or with their families. Many caregivers also report feelings of resentment, increasing their guilt factor. All of this guilt can add additional stress to the already challenging task of care giving.
8 Important Steps for Care Givers
The first step in retaining some balance in your life and shedding your sense of guilt is to recognize that what you’re feeling is completely normal. Realizing your situation is one shared by millions of others who are experiencing the same emotions can go a long way in helping you cope. Here are some other tips to help you take back your life.
Treat Yourself With Compassion and Kindness
You may harbor some anger and frustration towards the person for whom you’re caring. You may feel a profound sadness that the person you once knew is slipping away from you. Sometimes, you may resent the time you spend with your loved one because it’s taking time away from your career or other family responsibilities. Understand that these feelings are completely normal and grant yourself permission to feel them.
Set Boundaries
As far as it is possible, let your loved one know when there are specific times that you will be unavailable for routine assistance. If you have a specific event you need to attend, let your loved one know. Provide an alternate source of help if possible. If you’re going to meet your loved one in person, call ahead and ask if they need anything. That way, you don’t have to turn around the minute you arrive to pick up a prescription or food. Explain to your family and boss what is going on with you. Of course, it is better that they know why you might be late sometimes, or unable to attend an event you would normally not miss.
Include Others to Lighten Your load
Make Connections
Find a friend you can confide in or see a counselor to help you sort out your emotions. Support groups are also a wonderful way to connect with others in the same situation. You’ll likely discover that the simple act of telling your story to a receptive audience and listening to others can be very healing. Many long-term friendships have formed among caregiver family members.
Ask Family Members for Help
Enlist support from other relatives. If they live far away, explain what’s going on and ask them if they would be willing to take a weekend or a week to help. Explain the toll that assuming sole responsibility for care giving is having on you. If they aren’t able to provide support in person, ask for financial help for medications, food, or hiring a professional home caregiver.
Use Local Resources
Discover Community Resources
Check out the resources that are available in your community. Look into local Area Agencies on Aging, senior service providers, and senior centers. These organizations provide information on specific diseases, general topics on care giving and aging, as well as service providers that help in a number of ways.
Enlist The Support of Professional Caregivers
Often, professional caregivers can provide a variety of support services. These including helping your loved get dressed and bathed, grocery shopping, medication management. Surprisingly, even light housekeeping. If your loved one has clinical needs, home health professionals can provide nursing and therapeutic services.
Finally, Don’t Forget You!
Take Care of Yourself
Often, when one gets caught up in a care-giving role, it’s easy to let things slide. Important things slip by, like going to the gym and grocery store or getting together with friends. Ultimately, being a good caregiver means taking care of yourself. Frequently, check in on your well-being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Obviously, It’s important to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, socialize, and to continue to feed your spirit. Routinely, make time for yourself, whether reading a good book, going to a movie, or walking the family dog.
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Story provided by Robbie McCullough at Assisting Hands Preston Hollow in north Dallas:
